“I hate who I used to be. I hate the things that I did. I hate the way things were handled. I hate that there are people who think I’m still that person… and I’ll probably never be able to change their minds. I hate that I care what people think. I hate that I still let my past bother me sometimes. I hate that it makes me feel stuck.”
This has been my heart’s cry so many times over the years. I was having a particularly successful pity party a couple of nights ago, with my boyfriend, Tyler, as the only guest. As I listed so many regrets that I have, so many things I wish I had done differently or, better yet, never done at all, Tyler just listened quietly (like he always does).
After I stopped talking he said, “Let me ask you something… You feel like you’re standing on water right now, right?” Of course I said “Yes.” He then asked one of the most simple but profound questions:
“How can you stand on water with ankle weights on?”
I know what you’re thinking… Wow.
He continued to say that he would hate to see me held back from doing all that God has called me to do because I’m still stuck in the past – he would hate to see the opinions of others keep me from allowing God to make me completely new and free.
Can I tell you that I would hate that for you too?
We may not know each other personally, but I care about you. I want you to be free. I wouldn’t do what I do if I didn’t. I wouldn’t take the time to pray about what to post and share intimate moments and thoughts from my life.
I share my vulnerabilities and victories because my heart’s desire is to see others released from their personal prisons – a concept I am all too familiar with.
Whatever holds you back and weighs you down today, please surrender it to God and allow Him to make you free. I’m not saying it’s easy. It’s not. It’s tough. It’s a battle to break free from chains that have bound you so long.
But, it is better to come out scarred in victory than to sink in the struggle.
“Use what is loose to break what is bound (Steven Furtick).”
“…Lay aside every weight… and run the race with endurance.” Heb. 12:1 ♡
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