This is what my journal looks like this morning. With my lack of artistic handwriting, it’s rough, messy, jagged, real… me.
One of my greatest life struggles has always been fear. Not of the dark, not of being alone, not of current circumstances, but fear of the unknown, fear of the completely imagined in my mind, fear that history will repeat itself.
As far back as I can remember, I’ve always been a pro at getting myself worked up into a panic over things that haven’t happened and, most of the time, never did. I just dreamed up the worst in my mind and reacted like it was real. I have spent so many days crying in bed over things that I was afraid might happen. Things that never did. After God helps me get over it, I always realize how ridiculous I was acting but, in the moment, I can’t see that. I can only see what I am afraid of.
Over the last few years, God has delivered me from fear and healed my mind over and over again.
It hasn’t been easy, but it has been one of the greatest learning experiences for me. It has helped me to see that I can always fall on God, and He will always catch me. When all I can see of the future is a dark shadow, God reminds me that in order for there to be a shadow, there has to be something bigger that is casting it’s light-and there is no brighter light than God.
Over the last couple of weeks I have let fear creep in again. Fear of making the wrong decisions, disappointing those that I love, including God, fear of making the same stupid mistakes, and fear of others doing what they have done in the past.
God has been reminding me that He is in control of it all and, if I remember that, I can be at peace, knowing He is working it all out. I can’t control what others do, but I can control what I do. If others act wrongly, I can react the right way.
If I am persuing God, He will lead me in my decision making. And if I am loving God with all of my heart, soul, strength, and MIND, I can remain in perfect peace (Is. 26:3). “For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.” 2 Tim. 1:7 ♡