Just a heads up, I’m about to be very honest and vulnerable.
I’ve been struggling lately. Really struggling. In more than one area, but especially and specifically with writing.
I haven’t written anything or felt like I had anything to write for weeks. I’ve said over and over to both God and my Husband, Tyler, “I just don’t feel like I have anything to write. I feel empty and uninspired. And, when a moment of inspiration does hit me, my thoughts immediately turn to, ‘Why? What’s the point?’ and I end up talking myself out of writing anything at all.”
I have a few thoughts on why this has been happening:
1) This lovely little thing called Writer’s Block. We’ve all heard of it. Anyone who has written for any period of time has experienced it. And, frankly, it just really sucks.
2) I accept responsibility. I know myself best. I know what I need to do in order to be inspired and I’ve been pushing myself and my needs to the side in favor of busyness, other responsibilities and, if I’m completely honest, a little procrastination and fear.
3) I hate giving him any credit or even mentioning him at all, but we all know that we do have an enemy who seeks only to steal from us and destroy anything that brings glory to God. Satan has been following me around with a megaphone lately, shouting his lies. And, worse, I’ve been listening to those lies and repeating them to myself.
Lies such as:
Your writing isn’t any good.
Even if your writing is good, it isn’t doing any good.
No one is being encouraged or impacted by what you write.
No one would even notice if you just stopped writing.
You aren’t gaining any followers. You aren’t getting enough likes or comments. What’s the point of writing if no one is reading?
No one is reading. You’re wasting your time.
People are sick and tired of your story.
These are all lies. I know when I say them that they’re lies. And yet, I continue to believe them instead of resisting them.
One morning last week I had been really praying for God to help me overcome all of this and later that day I came across His answer in the form of an Instagram.
The writer started out so beautifully–“Let it be Jesus. ” Just as simple as that. And then she continued on to say, let the answer to everything that we do be Jesus. When asking ourselves or being asked by others why we write, why we speak, why we gather, why we sing, let our answer be Jesus.
This struck conviction in me immediately and God helped me to see why I’ve been dealing with my own form of writer’s block and emptiness: I let my eyes drift off of Jesus.
For weeks, maybe even a couple of months, I had allowed myself to get caught up in quantity over quality. I was keeping way too close of an eye on shares, stats, and supporters instead of remembering my why. Because of this focus, when the shares and stats weren’t what I hoped for, I would get more and more discouraged and disappointed with each post until, eventually, the disappointment outweighed my determination.
Once I had this realization, I felt the stress, frustration, and lies start to fade. I started writing down multiple “why” questions and forcing myself to answer them honestly and, if the answer wasn’t Jesus, I prayed and wrote until it honestly was.
God and I worked through all of this for a long time and then He reminded me of when I started this blog and why: Because I have a story of God’s grace and redemption that needs to be told. Because I want to help other people find healing and salvation. Even if just one person is led to Jesus because of something I said, that will completely worth it.
So here I am, hands and heart open, asking forgiveness from both God and all of you who lovingly support me. I’m sorry that I took my eyes off of what is important and forgot my whole purpose in doing this. It isn’t to gain more followers for myself, it’s to gain more followers for Jesus. I don’t write and share extremely vulnerable moments and thoughts so that you will like me, I write so that, just maybe, God will use my words to lead you to His healing.
The good news is, God works everything for good when we’re willing to let Him, and He gave me a new mission statement out this:
I’m not writing for people, I’m writing to people about Jesus, for Jesus.